They Sound So Good

Waves of regret

Waves of joy

I reach out to the one I tried to destroy

The sound booms through my chest. I pulse my right knee in skinny jeans to the beat.

The other mothers jostle children on their hips. Their daddies hoist them onto their shoulders and sway left to right. The sun sets over the river and the battleship twinkles in the reflection of the calm water.

Oliver...?

Home with the nurse. His body wrecked by 7 seizures today. He has been asleep for hours.

Will we have more children? Today, I think no. December 25th and October 31st, I thought yes.

Holidays used to be my favorite, but the truth is I feel like they have been stolen from me. Pried out of my celebratory hands.

Tonight I watch someone else's tiny daughter twirl fearlessly to the music.

She moves in mysterious ways.

The spray of the glowing fountain sprinkles my face.

She moves in mysterious ways.

A daughter would have been a complicated gift, but oh how I would have loved her...

He leans over to me and says "they sound so good" and they do.

They sing...

And I miss you when you are not around. I am getting ready to leave ground. Oh you look so beautiful tonight. Oh you look so beautiful tonight.