A Sacred Headline

The Prayer Room at this conference is a holy space. I've looked forward to the experience since I heard about it in the Registration email. I am anxious to find my name paired with one of the names of God.

I walk in--lights are low. Contemplative music wafts through the air. The simple cross in the front of the room stands as a reminder of why I am here. Tissue boxes scattered everywhere. It is a women's conference after all.

In the sea of names and scotch tape I scan. Little slivers of computer paper might hold an answer. I see “Stephanie” on the first (!) sheet. My heart leaps for a split second. It is not me. I keep searching, slowing down. My eyes survey each page-- left, right, up, down. I tilt my head to read the names that are sideways, made filmy by the tape.

I get through the second table and I feel the vulnerability. Perhaps the waiting list people didn't get their names on a sheet? 


 “Crowned one” after “crowned one” I read. Stephanies everywhere but where is the Lanier?

~

I wait with her in line at the book signing. She has chestnut hair, warm smile...rather friendly for 11 pm at night. “I couldn't find my name in the prayer room either”, she says. “I had to go back twice but, I eventually found my name.”

I tell her about the unexpected wound of omission. How much I wanted to see my name under the tape. She understands. She also thought she might have been passed over.

We part ways with a tight hug. She says she is returning to the prayer room tonight and will look for Stephanie + Lanier. I wonder if she'll find it...

~

The phone rings. It is 11:30 pm. Who is that, I wonder? A chipper voice bounces over the line. “Hi Stephanie! It's Christina from She Speaks...I found your name!”

She could see what I couldn't see. What was there all along...

Isn't that how believing works sometimes? He is there but, I just can't see. I need help. I need another perspective. I need community.

“It is Jehovah Nessi, the Lord is my Banner.” (Exodus 17:15)

I will carry this name of God with me in the days to come. The battle ahead. I will wave it before Oliver.

Do not forget, Stephanie + Lanier, do not forget, that He goes before me, just like a banner.

A sacred headline to stand underneath when I need reminding of my ultimate cause.